I wish I had a reason to be home right now. Also, I'm just miserable. If you're reading this, I probably would appreciate a call or something, even if I don't seem like I'm enthusiastic. I guess I just wanna feel like I matter.

Cleaning up

Today, in a rather subdued conversation with Matt, shortly after he had told me about the progress that he has been making with our final project for Microcomputers 2, I mentioned that rule 2 of today's party (Do not throw up) was enacted thanks to Max's activity in the last party that my house hosted. He then went on to say how he knew, because HE was the one to clean it up.

EX-FUCKING-SCUSE ME!!!!

I cleaned it up you inconsiderate, incompetent son of a bitch. It took me a little over an hour, but I got the goddamned job done, all the while my girlfriend's ex and my ex-friend seemingly judging me for the accident that wasn't even my fault. Also, I cleaned it better than that restroom had been in a long time. Fuck me.

This time, things were much better. CC had a good time, even after she had a little bit of an intake problem. I'm glad about that.

My all day fatigue and head-ache continue. I woke up at 9am, it is now 2am, and I have had this bursting headache for as much of this day as I can remember. I don't know what I should do, since lying down seems to really give it a sharp edge.

Right now, I don't know where everyone is, CC most of all. It seemed as if the party downstairs was winding down, but I haven't seen her since about an hour ago.

Hi Christina

I love you.

Miserable

To want something and not being able to have it is excruciating.

Been awhile

Hello world, it has certainly been a while since I've posted here. Yesterday was quite a rough day.

I woke up next to my one and only. That was the best part of my day. :)

When I got to the work site, my body started not liking the heat very much. It was quite unbearable. 90 degrees never felt so warm. I had to leave the site early because my body could not handle it.

When I got home, it was time to clean out the car. Fortunately, aside from the usual nagging I get from mom to keep my car clean, it went very well.

The trouble came when I was finally upstairs in my room, preparing for bed, that my mom walks in and asks me about my plans today. She had cleaned everything over the weekend, including my bedroom. I tell her what my plans were for today, and as I am doing so, she scoffs at the fact that I have already place some tissue paper down after I had used them. I quickly get up to throw them away in the bathroom, so quickly that I hit a cardboard box and it goes flying.

I walk back to my bedroom and my mom tells me that the air conditioning is on, so I don't need to have the window open. I say ok, and clarify that I only kept it open cause I could not feel it. All this time, I had been sniffling and generally fatigued. I am probably coming down with a cold.

She goes to leave my room, but as she gets out of the doorway, she calls me an "asshole" and a "jerk" in the elevated voice that she only gets when she is scolding me.

Yes, my mom did yell at me yesterday. Yes, I did cry. Yes, I am sick and still not in control of my runny nose. It was quite an exhausting day...

credibility?

Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" has been made into a film and will be released in two days. I have heard of the novel and I have been contemplating reading it, but due to my time with it in Senior Seminar and other research, I am hesitant. I have extensively researched the ethical concept/philosophy (a misnomer I may get into later) of "Objectivism" and I do not know if I like how the zeitgeist recognizes it. I won't define Objectivism, but if you would want one, just go google it. With the way that Rand uses it, Objectivism is "the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity and reason as his only absolute." While I can how it relates to something that I hold to be true (I would dub it self-altruism, for comedic effect), it's candidness can be confused by it's believers. Many believe it to be or use it in a way to self-motivate themselves to greatness, to the point of guilt and despair when they do not achieve that goal. In Objectivism, a person must to do those things that make them the most "happy" (rational self-interest, you know). As Rand said, "man as a heroic being". While it does not explicitly promote extraneous selfishness, the sense of entitlement and "holier-than-thou" effect are palpable. My biggest complaint against Objectivism is that it would call any action that doesn't work toward self-interest a waste. I find this highly hypocritical. There are many facets to my disagreement, so many in fact that I am having a hard time defining them right now. One thing I can say is that if this were the case, then a true Objectivist parent would let their kids stay up all night, eat all the candy, and run away whenever they wanted. Our society has put in place barriers and limits that should be upheld in order to embrace our growth and sustain us. Without those barriers, a person would be a cesspool of moral destructiveness. Believe me, I kinda was one :) In reluctant conclusion (I have to get back to work), check out Neitzsche's Ubermensch/Also Sprach Zarathustra. I believe it much more effectively does what Objectivism is trying to convey and doesn't come off with implications or condonement of immoral-morality.